I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
