hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I need moral support for this bender
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
