i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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