Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I want her autograph on my taint
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
