Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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