you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
