He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
