cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
