why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
