you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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