how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
