And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize