Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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