You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
