Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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