I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
