I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize