So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
