As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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