i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just had sex on a roof
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
