So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
