One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
