Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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