You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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