4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
