She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize