Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
