So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pants are for mortals
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
