im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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