It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
