Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
