i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
