Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We left the knife in your bed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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