i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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