I cannot find my penis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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