Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
