can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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