No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
