She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
