I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
