Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
