We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A bitchslap is in order.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
