I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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