do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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