going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
