This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
