is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
