Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
