i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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