sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
