All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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