dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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