I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
