i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
