You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
