I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
