If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
