my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize