no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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