Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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