I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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