Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
