How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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