I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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