I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
